Coming soon - Before You Say Anything

On Monday 20th July, I submitted edits for my third book, Before You Say Anything. It’s a really odd feeling, sending off final edits. I don’t know about other people, but I never feel ready to hand over my manuscript for publication. Now that I’ve been doing this for a few years, I’ve come to realise I’ll probably never feel ready. I’ll always feel like there’s more I can do, more to fine-tune, missing metaphors and analogies I could add to help people better understand my characters and their motivations. 

It’s a fine line to walk. Understanding when it’s time to walk away can be difficult. It’s compounded by the fact I can’t help but read reviews (I know, I know, they’re not for me!), and when I do that, I log criticisms of my characters and my writing in my head. I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t play out when I’m writing a new book. 

As a people pleaser, I can’t say I’m upset about that. I want to give my readers a book they think is good. Part of that, for me, is learning more about what they like and what they don’t. At the same time, I am conscious that I’m never going to be able to write a book absolutely everyone loves.

Whenever I’m feeling sad about negative reviews or putting pressure on myself to write a perfect book, I’ll go to Goodreads and search for books I absolutely loved — A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara, The House In The Cerulean Sea by T.J Klunes, Yellow Face by R.F Kuang, the entire The Lord Of The Rings Series by J.R.R Tolkien — and look at their one star reviews. 55,000 people rated the Fellowship Of The Ring as one star, with lots of them saying this much loved classic is boring. 

I’ll say this again. It is impossible to write a book absolutely everyone loves. 

Still, I did find this book rather difficult. The main character, Bluebell, is described by our love interest, Jesse, as ‘not everyone’s cup of tea’, and that’s putting it mildly. She’s my most criticised character, despite the fact she hasn’t done anything wrong. She just happens to be an outspoken woman who has no real interest in romantic relationships or being a mother, but she’s also not career focused, and so many people find that completely unacceptable. Women who don't want marriage or children in books are often focused on their careers, and this is touted as the reason why. Society has kind of (sort of) come to accept that as a valid reason to decide you don’t want a family, though too often this woman ends up ‘sad and alone’. Her more traditional friend gets everything she ever wanted, of course.

So, with Bluebell, I’ve had to write an unconventional woman people will root for. At times, that felt impossible. I’ve also had to write a man perfect enough that highly critical Bluebell might feasibly fall in love with him. I’m very nervous about the whole thing, to be honest. Whilst I know people who’ve read Before You Say Goodbye and Before You Say I Love You tend to like Bluebell, it’s the newbies who start the series with this one as their first book I’m worried about. She is, undoubtedly, going to get on their nerves. 

But she is real. And that was always the aim, to write real people in real messes. I want to write imperfect women, who make mistakes and do silly things, not because they’re damaged, not because they’re mentally ill, but just because they’re human. I think it’s important we see a whole range of womanhood on display in novels and I’m tired of ‘perfect’ women winning all the prizes. I think too much of that teaches readers they must be quiet, unassuming, submissive homemakers, with a pretty face and a perfect body, and they must be all of these things without knowing it — they must be so humble we almost cringe and their humbleness — or else they’ll end up miserable (and by miserable I mean childless and alone). 

I wanted to write a woman who wants none of that traditional stuff, who knows she’s pretty, and who is brazenly, unashamedly herself, because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with any of that, and I don’t think you should, either. All that being said, I really hope you’ll root for Bluebell as much as I did. Writing her story has been the biggest challenge of my life. It has altered my brain chemistry, and I'll be forever grateful.

If you're an outspoken, unusual woman, then this one is almost certainly for you! Pre-orders are coming soon.